Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Prolactin Ponderings: Separation Anxiety

Our 5 am feedings have turned into 4:40 am feedings. However, our 12 am bedtime has turned into an 11:40 pm bedtime. During my early morning feeding with my sweet Lily pie, I was overwhelmed with so much love for my little baby girl. I suppose it is a response to the hormones, but I just feel absolutely SQUISHY and GOOEY with love for my baby. Of course these warm and tickly feelings trickle over to my husband as well, as I get to see him at 5am as he wakes and gets ready for work!

The past few before-bed prolactin ponderings had me thinking about the separation anxiety I felt when Lily was a tiny newborn. I missed having her in my belly. I missed the closeness that I felt with her, and I all of a sudden felt so alone being the only one using my body. Even though she was RIGHT THERE in my arms, I felt the separation of her being her own little person. I missed her! I think she went through the same feelings as well. When it came to bed time, we both really wished we could sleep together all cuddled up in each other's arms. It was hard at first! Robbie HATED seeing me lie down with her in the bed to breast feed because he was afraid that I would roll over on her by accident. He finally was able to convince me not to do it anymore. Not that I did it very much-I just don't do it at all now. Especially since he's back at work. However, she still sleeps in my room right next to my bed in her Rock N' Play Sleeper. I love having her close by. What I just realized, though, is that I do not mind that she is her own little person anymore. I quite enjoy NOT having her in my belly, and I enjoy being able to spread out in the bed without worrying about rolling over her (or making my hubby upset with me). I appreciate how she is her own little person, and a funny, sweet, and cute one at that! Gone is the separation anxiety of her birth.

I guess once I finally move her to her own bedroom I'll have to get used to something new all over again. Until then, we can work on getting her (and me) ready to sleep more regularly in her big girl crib that's in our room.

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