Wednesday, July 27, 2011

C25K: Week 5

Day 1:

I did it!

Today's assignment was to run 5 minutes, walk 3 minutes, run 5 minutes, walk 3 minutes, run 5 minutes. It was so hard, but I managed to make it through. During that last 5 minute interval I really had to push myself and give myself super pep talks. I think what helped me really get through it was the fact that my husband has started this program with me! Yay! He started Week 1 Day 1, and I am really proud.

Day 2:

Part 1:

I didn't do it today. Today's assignment was run 8 minutes, walk 5 minutes, run 8 minutes. That's it. I ran the first 8 minutes. Boy was it hard. I walked the 5 minutes and ran 5.5 minutes of the second 8 minutes. I'm not as disappointed in myself as the first time I "failed," but I still feel a little disappointed. I went into this workout with very little motivation and a whole lot of fear. I kind of had a sad, defeated feeling before I even began, and I definitely don't feel any pride in what I have done so far. I used to, but I'm not sure what my problem is lately. I guess I am waiting for the part where I will actually start to enjoy this, but it hasn't happened yet.

Part 2: I did it! It was so hard! I did it though. I had a better attitude today and it seemed to help me do better.

Day 3:

I have been worried about this day for the entire program. This is the day where I am supposed to run for 20 minutes straight. 20 minutes!!! I have never run that much in my life! Come to think of it, I have never even run 8 minutes in a row in my entire life. I had a glimmer of hope that I could do this today, but I started to run and Mr. Negative Poopy Pants started getting the best of me. Here is what he had to say:

"My progress is simply not good enough. This is so slow! Why am I doing this to myself? I don't care if my clothes fit looser-they don't. I don't care if I feel good-I don't. I don't care about the potential health benefits. I want to lose weight. I want the number on the scale to go down. That's all I care about. I don't care that I've run for the longest amount of time I have ever run in my life. That doesn't matter to me. I don't want to feel this bad and see no results. I can sit on my behind and eat cake and feel just like this. I also don't want to hear to just keep at it and the results will happen. I just don't care. I want to be skinny."

So, you see? He's awful! With my teeny tiny glimmer of hope, I started to run. I thought, "It will be so good to post on facebook that I ran for 20 minutes! I've never done that in my life." I kept running. I thought, "Oh man, I'm not going to make this. Maybe just 15 minutes of running. That will still be more than I've ever done." So then I kept running and thought, "Maybe I can get to 9 minutes, walk for 4 and run for 7 minutes and slowly increase the first interval and decrease the others like run 10, walk 4, run 6 and then run 11, walk 3 and run 5, then run 12, walk 3 and run 4, then run 13, walk 3 and run 3, etc...." get it? Anyway, I kept running. Then I was at 7.5 minutes of running. Ha! It seemed to take FOREVER. So then I thought, "Okay, I just need to repeat a day 2." Well, I got to 8 minutes and started walking my 5 minutes. I kept thinking, "I'm just not into this today. I really don't feel like running another 8 minutes. I have to get ready for church. I'm not enjoying this. I'm so tired. I need sleep. I'm done. I better just quit and try again tomorrow."

On my walk back to my apartment I thought about trying to slowly ease into the 20 minutes. Finally as I was climbing the stairs I thought, "No. I'm just going to try again tomorrow for the 20 minutes. I'm just going to run as far as I can."

Hopefully tomorrow I can feel encouraged and motivated because this past week.....I haven't. :o(

Monday, July 18, 2011

C25K: Week 4

Day 1:

Part 1-

I'm sad. I didn't do it. I tried, but I made it to the last 5 minute interval and quit. I had four minutes left to go and just burst into tears.

The routine: Start with a brisk 5 minute walk. Then, Jog 3 minutes, walk 90 seconds, Jog 5 minutes, walk 2.5 minutes, Jog 3 minutes, walk 90 seconds, Jog 5 minutes. I just (felt like) I couldn't do it. I had just four minutes left to go. I just cried. I felt so disappointed.

This past week was pretty hard on me though. Perhaps I need to just forgive myself. Last Saturday I attended two births. It took nearly that whole week to recover from those births, but I still managed to successfully complete week 3. This Saturday I attended another birth. I think I am just wiped out, not to mention I was unusually tired last week. I mean, I am tired all the time. It's part of my life as a mom now, but it was just more than normal.

I am definitely taking my rest day tomorrow, though already I am feeling determined to try. It's only been 3 hours and I feel determined to try again tomorrow. We'll see what happens. Whatever happens, the next time I will call it Day 1, Part 2.

Day 1, Part 2:

I'll just say it. I did it!

I decided to take a rest day yesterday so that I could really give it my all today. I'll admit, I went into today with a lot of fear. I did not have confidence that I could do it and I felt pretty defeated. At the same time, I had a glimmer of determination. Just a tiny little smidge of hope that I could do it. It appears that the tiny little bit of hope and determination that I had, I was able to use and make it.

Mr. Negative Poopy Pants was also in full force today. He was trying to tell me how ugly I am, how I am wasting my time, how fat I am, how I will never be good at this, etc. You name it, he said it. It was very easy to believe, and here is where I confess. I weighed myself yesterday and discovered I've only lost one pound. I suppose I should celebrate my small victory, but it depressed me. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I did. I went this long without weighing myself and I was feeling pretty good about my accomplishments. But after a day where I didn't quite make it, I decided to beat myself up further and pull the scale down out of the top of my closet.

I am glad that during my workout there is no room in my brain for Mr. Negative Poopy Pants as I am trying to encourage and push myself to success. Today he came right back when I was done. Not cool.

Day 2:

I did it! It was so hard, but I did it! Today I felt a lot of fear before I went. I did not feel very encouraged or even determined that I could do it. I just went and did it though. Those last five minutes are terrible for me! I really have to push myself.

The past few days I haven't had much of an appetite. People keep telling me it's a blessing, but my paranoid self worries I am doing something wrong.

At least Mr. Negative Poopy Pants wasn't around today.

Day 3:

Since I started Week 5 Day 1 today, it is hard for me to remember exactly how I felt about my workout Saturday. I did it! I completed it! Yay! It was hard. I never felt like it became easy for me to do. I remember telling my husband, "Even though I did it, I still feel like I can't do it." I think I am having more difficulty controlling my thoughts rather than my body. Hopefully Mr. Negative Poopy Pants will disappear for good one day.

Monday, July 11, 2011

C25K: Week 3

Day 1:

I did it! I can't believe it, but I did it! Today was hard because my body is still so very tired from attending two births on Saturday. I stayed up for nearly 24 hours straight and worked muscles I didn't know I had. Sunday, as always, was a rest day. Now it is Monday and I needed some extra motivation to get out there. I thought I should try to add another Week 2 day today, but I looked at what week 3 was all about. Start out with a brisk 5 minute walk as always. The workout: jog 90 seconds, walk 90 seconds, jog 3 minutes, walk 3 minutes, repeat that one more time. Have a cool down walk. Seems easy enough on paper. I thought I should just go ahead and try that because it seemed easier than week 2 somehow.

I made it to the gym and started. I was a little worried about the 3 minute jog intervals. I made it to the first one and it wasn't too bad! That made me feel like I could really do this. When I made it to the 3 minute jog interval the second time it was hard! I got one minute in and really really had to push myself. I did it though, and somehow, this day was easier than any day last week. I'm not sure why, but I won't complain. I have one more birth coming up any time, so I am just going to try to do this again tomorrow and get as many sessions in as I can before the mom goes into labor.

Day 2:

I did it! Mr. Negative Poopy Pants made an appearance today. He is putting a negative body image in my head. I was so happy and impressed with my body for giving birth, and I felt beautiful. Seems like now that I've started this plan, I am getting impatient. I want to see results NOW! I was tempted to weight myself today, but I was able to resist. I just want to feel accomplished that I completed today and not disappointed in myself that I haven't lost weight. I am sure I haven't lost any weight yet, well, because I never lose weight. My clothes fit the same. I'm still jiggly, but I feel good about myself for making it this far.

Day 3:

It is now 48 hours after, and I've already attempted Week 4 Day 1 today. It is hard for me to remember exactly how I felt after doing this day since so much has happened since then. All I know is I did it! I had a successful day! Woohoo!

After my workout, Robbie and I went to summer musical rehearsal at our church, then we went shopping at Target for awhile, and finally we sat down to lunch at Cracker Barrel. Poor Lily was tuckered out. We came home, put her in her crib, I grabbed a drink and a book, sat down for less than one minute when the phone rang. Seriously. One minute. It was a mom that needed me for a birth.

I left for the birth and made it home 12 hours later. I got about 4 hours sleep and then we went to church. After church I had a very lazy day. This morning I attempted week 4 day 1.......

Thursday, July 7, 2011

My body works thank you very much!

There is an old lady that lives close to us that likes to ask me nearly every time I pass by, "Are you still nursing?" I'm not sure what her deal is and why it is any of her concern, but my answer is always, "Yes." She'll reply, "You really need to give her some formula." Usually I just say, "Oh, she's okay," and walk off. It's not as if I know this woman all that well, so I don't even know why she asks me the question in the first place. Today was not much different. As I was leaving to take Lily to Toddler Time at the library, the lady was sitting outside. Our conversation went like this:

Old Lady: Kristi! Is Lily gaining weight? (Mind you, no "Hello! How are you?")
Me: She sure is.
Old Lady: Are you still nursing her?
Me: She's mostly on solids now, but we still nurse a little.
Old Lady: You need to give her formula. (pronounced formular)
Me: Aw, she's getting plenty to eat.
Old Lady: You'll get on with it.

Um, what? Why would I want to give my 13 month old a breast milk substitute when we are in the weaning process already? We've already started giving her cow's milk and she eats solids all the time. She eats what we eat at every meal and she eats until she is full. Lily still loves ninnie sometimes, but it's not really out of hunger. She just loves ninnie because she loves ninnie! Why in the world do I need to give her formula? My body works! Truly. Read it again. MY. BODY. WORKS.

Let's all agree on something for once, m'kay? Whether it's about birth or breastfeeding or even exercise or eating or whatever it is that you want your body to do. Let's go into this thing with the assumption that our bodies work. You're having a baby? Let's treat your pregnancy and your birth like your body is going to do what it's designed to do, first. Let's leave the process alone. Let's not interfere with anything. Then, if there's a problem, let's do something about it.

Or how about this. Let's just assume that our bodies will make milk. If you honestly have no medical conditions that would keep you from breastfeeding, let's just assume that you can breastfeed. Your body works. It really does. Let's also prepare the mind to encounter difficulties. Breastfeeding is hard sometimes! Birth is hard sometimes. But your body works! You can do it. If you have trouble breastfeeding, call in some reinforcement. Call family who successfully breastfed, call LLL leaders, call lactation consultants or call WIC breastfeeding counselors. Call your doula if you had one! There are people who can help you. Be hardheaded about succeeding dadgummit! Be stubborn! YOUR BODY WORKS!!! GRRRR!!!!

I understand that breastfeeding is not for everyone. If it's not for you, GREAT. Don't do it. If you tried really really hard and it still didn't work out and you're happy with your decision to use other methods of feeding your baby, GREAT! I am happy for you. My concern is for those women who are having a difficult time with breastfeeding, who really really really want to, but who lack support. It is for those women who are being told, "Well, maybe you just can't breastfeed," when they encounter difficulty or discouragement. No! No! No! Your body works! You CAN do it!

If you're one of those people who like to plant seeds of doubt, please stop. Instead, try this on for size. Go ahead, repeat after me.

"I believe in you." Go ahead, say it. Out loud. LOUDER!

"I know you'll get through this!" Like you mean it.

"Let's see if we can find someone who can help." I think you're getting the hang of it.

"You can do it!" I know you can do it. I know you can stop the doubt spreading. I know you can help someone in need. You can stop planting seeds of doubt and instead plant seeds of faith.

Monday, July 4, 2011

C25K: Week 2

Day 1:

I did it! Woohoo!

I just had to get that out of the way. I have been worried about week 2 before I even finished week 1. I would have thoughts such as, "If I can barely get through Week 1, how in the world am I even going to make the through Week 2? Much less the next 8 weeks!!! It only gets harder!" It appears as if my negative self talk will be my biggest obstacle, though I should be used to that. I've had to battle my negative self talk with everything I have ever tried to accomplish. I really want to kick it's butt, though.

Go away negative self talk! I don't need you!

Maybe I should name this thing. Maybe I can call it Mr. Poopy Negative Pants. I wonder why it would be "Mr." though. Then again, that could make me look like I have issues. I mean, split personality much?

But then again women have referred to their periods as Aunt Flo for a long time. Ha ha ha! Got you! No disclaimer on that little tidbit of TMI. So if I can have an Aunt Flo in my life, I can have a Mr. Poopy Negative Pants too. Maybe they can get married. After all they tend to hang out together a lot. Just like the red and blue crayon. You knew they were married, right?

So the goal of this week is to have a brisk five minute walk followed by 20 minutes of alternating 90 seconds of running and 60 seconds of walking. For some reason, the 60 seconds of walking this week went by way faster than the 60 seconds of running last week. The 90 second intervals seemed to feel about the same both weeks, though last week I was walking and this week I am running. Well, jogging. Oh, and I ran at 5.5 mph. I was way to chicken to try 6 mph today. Maybe by the end of the week.

But the summary for today is I did it!

Day 2:

It's been about 9 hours since I did my workout this morning, so my emotions are not as raw about my accomplishment. But, I did it! And today seemed to go by more quickly than previous days. I still had to really push myself the last 5 minutes or so. I had to talk to myself and say, "Don't quit now! I won't let you quit! I am in control, body, listen to ME!"

Mr. Negative Poopy Pants did not make very much of an appearance yesterday, which I am very happy about. I still ran at 5.5 mph. I am not ready to go faster.

Tomorrow is a rest day. Hallelujah!

Day 3:

I did it! I didn't think I could do it, but I did it!

I can get to about 14 minutes without any problems, but that is where I need to start talking to myself to get through the remaining 11 minutes. Mr. Negative Poopy Pants was not very loud today, but that didn't mean he wasn't just as strong. I had faint whispers of "I can't do this. I want to quit. This is uncomfortable," during today's workout. I really had to push myself. I began to say, "I am in control. Yes! I am in control. Yes!" over and over again during my last 3 running intervals. It reminded me of some of the things I might say to a laboring mom if she feels like she is losing control. I am glad that I am doing this before I have attended births because I am putting my body in a position of doing something that I feel like I can't do. I am making myself feel like I can't go on anymore and then I get to quit. That's a really big difference between running and birth. I can stop if I want to. However, I feel like it was easier to endure giving birth. I was able to go deep inside of myself for birth, and I have not been able to go to that amazing place while running. If I could just find it, I think running would be better for me. Oh well. Perhaps if I was able to go to that place any time, birth wouldn't be as amazing and special.

Enough about birth! I was able to make it through the workout today, but I get ahead of myself when I think about following weeks. It's difficult for me to just focus on today. I think about adding things to my workout, such as weight training and sprinting, to maximize weight loss. Then I have to say, "Whoa, Nellie. Slow down a bit. You just need to get used to getting up off your booty! This is a lifestyle change, remember? Don't get ahead of yourself." I am just getting impatient. I want to lean, strong body NOW! I'm glad I put my scale away because I would probably be feeling discouraged rather than accomplished right about now.

Day 4:

I planned to have a day four of this week, and I set my alarm to go for it at 6 am. Well, at 1:30 am I got a call from one of my moms that she was in labor! Woohoo! My first birth. Because she was so far along when I got there, I thought maybe I could go to the birth and run later. Well, I didn't even start heading home until 3 pm. I checked my email in the car and saw an email from another mom that she thought she might be in labor. At 4:45 pm after barely showering, eating and napping, I got another call to attend my second birth of the day. I think that was a great excuse not to add a day 4 to this week.

Sneak peak: I just finished doing week 3 day 1. :o)