Yesterday I went to the midwives. I saw Dawn this week, and it was really good to be able to see her again! I really miss them! It turns out that I have mastitis. It must not be too bad because she said it would probably have gone away on its own. She still prescribed me ten days worth of antibiotics, which seem to be helping out already.
I have to thank my husband for convincing me to go see the midwives over this and also for calling to make the appointment. I was just moping around being miserable and thinking I was a terrible mother. Over the weekend my fever got up to 101.7 before I took something for it. (Why is it that bodies like to get sick over the weekend when you can't go to the doctor?)
Gory details ahead...read at your own risk!
I'm not sure how I ended up with mastitis. I thought I was doing well with breastfeeding by the time I left the hospital. The lactation consultants came a few times, and by the time I was ready to go home, I felt pretty confident that Lilian had mastered a good latch. After a few days my right nipple would still hurt at the beginning of a feeding. A few days after that I noticed a big crack in my nipple. It just wouldn't heal. Finally, on Friday night I started feeling achy in my joints and by Saturday I was running a fever. I took an Ibuprofen and felt a lot better. On Monday I suppose Robbie had enough of my craziness and called the midwives for me. I went to my appointment and she reviewed my breastfeeding technique. She said Lilian had a perfect latch, so I really don't know what the problem is! She says this just happens sometimes.
So once the ouch factor goes away, breastfeeding may be a little better for me. It's still difficult to wake up so much during the night and have to stay in one place so much all day. I can't help but think that I'm doing something wrong since it takes her so long to finish a meal. I don't know if she's just a clingy baby and wants to be on the breast all the time or if I just don't have a very good milk supply and she has to eat often to meet her needs. Maybe I should just accept the fact that my baby may do certain things because that's who she is rather than because of something I am doing.
I went into this whole parenthood thing determined to breastfeed, so I'm going to do it. No one ever said it would be easy. It may be easy for some people, or even most people, or even for everyone else but me. But for me, it's been challenging. But it is also cute to watch her eat. I never knew how cute and funny babies look when they nurse. Hopefully it will begin to feel more natural each day that goes by. I should probably be more patient with myself since Lilian isn't even three weeks old yet! We'll get there.