My Birthday

Today was my birthday, and I did not give it much thought. I was HOPING I would either have a baby today or would have had my baby by today. Guess what? No baby!

We started the day by going to Ihop so that I could give Lilian some strawberry and banana french toast. Then we ended up going to Lowe's so that we could get some bird repellent. We tried to find the perfect size air filter for our apartment there, but they did not have the right size. Then we went to Home Depot and found them. While we were there, we decided to walk around the whole store to try to "Get the baby out!" A couple of the people working there noticed us walking around a whole bunch and that was the answer Robbie gave. Well, it seems that she's not ready to come out. There will be no way I can deliver her today since it is so late at this point. She's not going to be a May baby after all, and it's hard not to be disappointed. I didn't want to be a typical first time mother and go over the due date. It seems that most people that I KNOW have had their babies early. I'm obviously not one of them. It's getting more and more difficult to keep a positive attitude about the whole thing. Who am I kidding? My positive attitude is gone now. I'm starting to worry that I'm going to have to be induced and my hopes for a natural delivery will be out the window. There's no way I'm going to be able to handle Pitocin induced contractions without having an epidural. And why should I? Once that happens it won't be natural anymore-even if I do it without an epidural. I guess I'm getting to the point where I don't trust my body anymore. I still have no prelabor symptoms...unless you count moodiness, crampiness, and fatigue to be prelabor symptoms. I think it's just symptoms of being two days away from your due date. I think I'm so mopey today that I broke down and ate a Sonic coney and mozzarella sticks. I'm so bad. I haven't done anything right for the past few days....especially when it comes to food.

39 Weeks 4 Days

Last night I finally started feeling impatient with being pregnant. I've been pretending that I'm ready for my baby to come out for the sake of being nice to the well wishers that think it's funny to joke about it. With three days until my due date, I think I've done a great job being patient and sweet throughout this pregnancy. But in a snap, I got fiercely angry when I was trying to put away something in a low cabinet and it just popped right back out on the floor. It takes a great deal of effort to squat down to put something away. I can't bend over anymore, my legs are sore from carrying around 35 extra pounds, and my joints feel worse every day. I finally just had enough last night! I wanted to throw something and break it. Actually, I DID throw something, but it was only plastic and bouncy. No harm done. And I was able to go through this entire temper tantrum in the two minutes that Robbie stepped out of the room. I COULD have just pretended like nothing was wrong and gone back to being the sweet little pregnant lady I've been. However, my husband knows me better than that, and being the sweetheart that he is, he let me vent about being tired of being pregnant, and he helped me finish what I was trying to accomplish.

I'm also starting to have doubts that my body knows that it's supposed to be trying to get this baby out! I have absolutely NO prelabor symptoms. I don't even know if my baby has "dropped" yet. Isn't that supposed to happen two-four weeks before the baby is born in a first time mother? People say that I will definitely know when that happens. I don't. Even if it happened today, I don't know if I can handle two more weeks of this. Every day that she stays in there, I worry about her weight gain and my ability to get her out naturally. I feel like I'm in such a bad mood today, and I am finding it more difficult to maintain a positive and patient attitude.

39 Weeks 1 Day

Still no baby. Yesterday I had an exam and I am 40% effaced, almost 2 cm dilated, and the baby is at a -2 station. I've probably been this way for awhile and will probably be like this for awhile. Out of everyone around me, I may be the least eager to get her out. I'm feeling a little nervous about going through labor and delivery, especially since I am attempting this without medication. It's important to me to have a natural birth, and I know I will be disappointed if I end up needing medication. I'm just scared that I won't be strong enough to deal with labor. I included on my birth plan that if I ask for pain medications, that those around me will encourage me to try other methods of dealing first. I think that's what I'm afraid of. I won't necessarily want the medication, it'll just mean that I need more support or help dealing with it. It's weird; I'm not really scared that it's going to HURT, I'm scared that I won't make it without being overcome by it.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll have an uplifting birth story to be able to share soon!

38 Weeks 1 Day

Yesterday I had a prenatal appointment. I didn't gain any weight this past week which makes me very proud! I was pretty discouraged the week before because I had gained FOUR pounds in one week. How did that happen! I think my baby ended up having quite the little growth spurt. Because I'm seeing midwives, I don't have any ultrasounds done or have very many internal exams. I haven't had one yet, but I think they are going to check next week, which will be 39 weeks. I'm not carrying low or high, so that means my baby hasn't "dropped" yet. At least her head is down. I'm measuring 38.5 weeks. She's always been just a few days ahead of schedule.

I was told I could take a Clariton and stop being so miserable. I was hesitant to just take the medication again because it seems as if my allergies bothered me about five or six weeks ago. I didn't want to bombard my little baby with MORE medication, especially this close to the due date. I say close...ha! It could be another month for all I know. I hope not though! I guess it wouldn't do either of us very much good if I'm exhausted and miserable from allergies. I've taken one Clariton and can't wait to take my next one. I guess it will take a few days for it to really start relieving my symptoms. At least I was able to get a really good nights sleep last night. It's been awhile since THAT's happened!

I have another pediatrician consult today. I thought I may as well go hear what this person has to say even though I think we've already decided on someone. If anything, it will confirm that the person I've selected is the right one for my family. There are several people at church that use the same office that I've selected, so that makes me feel better.

I finally taught my last lesson of the semester yesterday. It was supposed to be on May 10th, but I just couldn't leave my little fluties hanging like that when they still had auditions hanging over their heads. I only taught my 7th graders which was really a pleasure. They all have pretty much been trained and meet my expectations of practicing. It was also nice to be done teaching a little earlier in the day. I'm proud of the progress they have made and I hope they are able to play in their auditions like they play for me.

Approaching 38 weeks

I suppose I am starting to feel like a lot of women at the end of their pregnancies. "Is this baby ever going to come out?" I know it's not time yet, but I am starting to feel eager. I wonder if she just might be content to stay in my belly forever. I am doing my best to be positive and not complain, but I am growing weary of being pregnant. I am especially unhappy that I am sick again so close to the end.

I really want a Dr. Pepper right now because I am watching a movie I used to watch over and over again while drinking Dr. Pepper. This movie is 15 years old! Isn't that funny how it can remind me of drinking Dr. Pepper and after 15 years it makes me want a Dr. Pepper?

Mother's Day

I have the sweetest husband in the world who made this weekend one of the best we've had in awhile! Even though I'm not officially a mommy, he wanted to do something special for me. Apparently, he wanted to stop and pick up a Mother's Day present for me on his way home Friday, but he encountered some really bad traffic on the way home. I didn't know this until Saturday morning on our way to a church event. He wanted it to be a surprise, but he didn't want to have to spend any time away from me on Saturday. He loves me that much! :o)

After the church event, we went to Babies R Us and got the Fisher Price Newborn Rock N' Play Sleeper. I am SO excited about that, and I think that's the best Mother's Day present ever. That's not what he wanted to get me. He says, "It's for Lilian, not you. You need something for YOU." He wanted to get me one of those big fuzzy bath robes that I wanted for Christmas, but they're not selling them right now. We looked but couldn't find them.

He willingly went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant with me. :o) He's so sweet like that. I LOVE Mexican food, but he really doesn't. After that we went to Target and JC Penney in search of a bathrobe or something I could get as a present. My belly started getting really tight and uncomfortable so I needed to get home. We'd had a really long day of walking at that point and I just needed to get home. Even though I didn't get an "official" present for myself, I feel so loved! I had such a great time.

Today was great too. Robbie officially finished every little piece of the baby crib, and he put the sleeper together. We've put the bedding on the crib as well. As soon as I have everything exactly the way I want it in there, I will post pictures. I feel like I can finally start putting things in order in this apartment now that the crib is put together.

As far as I know, it appears that we have just about everything in order. Crib is built. Pediatrician is selected. We have about all the baby things we can handle. Now we wait. :o)

I didn't get to see my mom today, but I'm glad I was able to talk to her. I sent her a journal with questions for her to feel out. I think they're called, "Mom, I've been meaning to ask," or something like that. I sent one called, "Grandma, I've been meaning to ask, " as well from Lilian. I sent one of those to my Mawmaw for her birthday/Mother's Day. My mom really seemed to like her gifts, and she said Mawmaw liked hers too. I know my appreciation for my mom has increased since I've become pregnant. I know it will grow as I continue my journey as a mother. It's going to be quite the adventure!

It's May!

May has always been my happy month! I'm not sure why, but I always feel the happiest during the month of May. Perhaps it's because my birthday is this month. I'm really hoping that Lilian's birthday will be this month as well!

I had a weird dream last night about giving birth. I've been having lots of vivid baby dreams lately. I arrived at the hospital and the midwife was going to check me to see how far along in labor I was. I didn't think I was very far because I had not felt any pain at that point. However, while she was checking, I ended up delivering my placenta. I'm not sure why that happened first but it was 18 pounds! They said I could push at any time but that I didn't have to. I was a little worried because I thought my baby needs the placenta! How is she going to get her oxygen? They started filling up the tub for me so I could have my baby in the tub, but then they suggested I try their shower. Boy was their shower amazing! It was a huge indoor rain forest! The whole room was raining down on me and there were flowers, plants, and trees all around. I could see the sky through the glass ceiling and it was an amazing place. The floor was made out of some squishy dark orange locker room material that you find in swimming pool locker rooms. I tried to find some pictures that reminded me of my dream.


This is the best picture I could find of what it looked like when I looked at the ceiling. Image a steady flow of soft rain drops coming from the ceiling. The temperature was perfect!These two pictures show the plants that seemed to be all around me. Imagine a large place with soft mats on the floor where I could walk around without having plants get all over me. This sort of scenery surrounded me while the sunlight and water rained down on me. It was a very pleasant situation. For some reason I never felt pain. I suppose that's because it was a dream!

I woke up before I actually delivered the baby, but it was so relaxing and nice just to dream about this part! That was the best shower ever!

I didn't realize how much my belly has grown in the past eight weeks. I guess since it's so gradual I've adjusted pretty well.

We were taking these pictures after a long day of touring the hospital, getting lost in Houston while trying to find a new cell phone for Robbie, and doing all the things we needed to at home. We ran out of sunlight so the flash on my camera kept making me blink. I finally just gave up. This picture is from 35 Weeks and 3 Days.

My due date is June 2nd, so I have a month left. Sometimes I still can't believe that I am pregnant. It's so weird because that is something other people do; not me!