C25K: Week 4

Day 1:

Part 1-

I'm sad. I didn't do it. I tried, but I made it to the last 5 minute interval and quit. I had four minutes left to go and just burst into tears.

The routine: Start with a brisk 5 minute walk. Then, Jog 3 minutes, walk 90 seconds, Jog 5 minutes, walk 2.5 minutes, Jog 3 minutes, walk 90 seconds, Jog 5 minutes. I just (felt like) I couldn't do it. I had just four minutes left to go. I just cried. I felt so disappointed.

This past week was pretty hard on me though. Perhaps I need to just forgive myself. Last Saturday I attended two births. It took nearly that whole week to recover from those births, but I still managed to successfully complete week 3. This Saturday I attended another birth. I think I am just wiped out, not to mention I was unusually tired last week. I mean, I am tired all the time. It's part of my life as a mom now, but it was just more than normal.

I am definitely taking my rest day tomorrow, though already I am feeling determined to try. It's only been 3 hours and I feel determined to try again tomorrow. We'll see what happens. Whatever happens, the next time I will call it Day 1, Part 2.

Day 1, Part 2:

I'll just say it. I did it!

I decided to take a rest day yesterday so that I could really give it my all today. I'll admit, I went into today with a lot of fear. I did not have confidence that I could do it and I felt pretty defeated. At the same time, I had a glimmer of determination. Just a tiny little smidge of hope that I could do it. It appears that the tiny little bit of hope and determination that I had, I was able to use and make it.

Mr. Negative Poopy Pants was also in full force today. He was trying to tell me how ugly I am, how I am wasting my time, how fat I am, how I will never be good at this, etc. You name it, he said it. It was very easy to believe, and here is where I confess. I weighed myself yesterday and discovered I've only lost one pound. I suppose I should celebrate my small victory, but it depressed me. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I did. I went this long without weighing myself and I was feeling pretty good about my accomplishments. But after a day where I didn't quite make it, I decided to beat myself up further and pull the scale down out of the top of my closet.

I am glad that during my workout there is no room in my brain for Mr. Negative Poopy Pants as I am trying to encourage and push myself to success. Today he came right back when I was done. Not cool.

Day 2:

I did it! It was so hard, but I did it! Today I felt a lot of fear before I went. I did not feel very encouraged or even determined that I could do it. I just went and did it though. Those last five minutes are terrible for me! I really have to push myself.

The past few days I haven't had much of an appetite. People keep telling me it's a blessing, but my paranoid self worries I am doing something wrong.

At least Mr. Negative Poopy Pants wasn't around today.

Day 3:

Since I started Week 5 Day 1 today, it is hard for me to remember exactly how I felt about my workout Saturday. I did it! I completed it! Yay! It was hard. I never felt like it became easy for me to do. I remember telling my husband, "Even though I did it, I still feel like I can't do it." I think I am having more difficulty controlling my thoughts rather than my body. Hopefully Mr. Negative Poopy Pants will disappear for good one day.