Goodbye Primary...Hello ????

April 8, 2012

Last Easter, after performing at a Vietnamese Easter Mass, I made it to church and discovered I had been officially called to be the Primary Secretary. I was somewhat excited about receiving this calling, and I was definitely humbled by it. "What in the world????? I don't know anything about kids!!!" I also struggled with wondering what I did wrong with my previous calling. "I was just getting the hang of it! I had some really cool ideas for this year. I'm going to do a better job, be more organized, etc. Did I suck so bad that the had to take me out?" Yes, Negative Nancy was truly coming out. It took me a long time to process and get over those feelings. It took me a long time to finally feel like I belonged in Primary, to feel like I was getting the hang of being in there. And when I say a long time, I mean, about a month ago the feeling of "I think I might actually be getting the hang of this and belong in Primary," washed over me. Not a week or two later did I find out that I was being released from this calling. And finally, on Easter Sunday, I was officially extended the release. I fully expected to be told my next calling at the same time, but that didn't happen. I am officially without a calling.

Of course Negative Nancy  reared her ugly head again. "Why don't they want me? Why don't I have a new calling? Do I suck? What did I do wrong? I was just getting the hang of this!" The member of the bishopric who extended the release told me not to get too comfortable because I'll be put back to work soon. The Negative Nancy says that it's just something they say to everyone who doesn't have a calling.

So this coming Sunday I am curious to find out what will happen. The entire presidency was extended their release on Sunday though the other sisters have new callings already. I am curious to find out where we are all going next. I had a good time getting to know these sisters better, and I hope that they did too. I'm not really supposed to talk about this kind of thing until it becomes official, so I won't publish this post until things become official this coming Sunday. This will be my last Sunday to serve in Primary, and then it will be to show the new secretary the ropes. I might even just let her take over during Senior Primary and go sit in on Relief Society. It's been a long time since I've been in there.

April 15, 2012

Today I was officially released from the pulpit and served my last Sunday as Primary secretary. I was able to train the new secretary a little before she needed to take her sick little baby home. The new Primary president is one of my favorite people in the world and I know she'll do a great job. I'll miss working with the sisters I worked with in the Primary presidency for the past year. Hopefully our paths will cross again.

I'm not sure what my new calling will be, so I think I will wait to publish this post until I find that out. Next week I'll be able to sit in Sunday School with my husband and go to Relief Society for the first time  in a year. Before I was called to be the Primary secretary, I did not get to just sit and enjoy my meetings very much because I was tending to Lily. I felt like I spent most of my time in the hallway or in the Mother's Lounge.

We almost got asked to speak at Stake Conference in May, but both Robbie and I will be out of town. Bummer! Ha ha!

May 22, 2012

A few weeks ago I was asked to meet with a member of the bishopric to discuss my new calling. It's the Relief Society Chorister. Yay! Apparently they announced my name from the pulpit on Mother's Day, but I wasn't there. This past Sunday was the first Sunday I was able to serve in my new calling, and it was also the first time I attended Relief Society in over a year. It was weird. It feels like it was longer than that since I spent so much of Lily's first year of life in the mother's lounge nursing her during Relief Society.

Another visit home

Lily and I went to my mom's last week for several days so that I could perform with the Rapides Symphony for our last concert of the season. Lily always loves going to see Mimi and Pyran, and she's always just a little bit sad when it's time to come home. Of course if I got to do things like play in bubbles, I'd probably be sad about going home too.

Going to my mom's served a dual purpose this time. Robbie had his first ever business trip at the same time that I was supposed to play in the concert. Because I don't really like staying here all by myself, I decided to let my mommy take care of me. I also discovered that Lily gets all the chocolate milk that she wants from Mimi, so that could be one reason why she has such a great time over there. Plus they have a nice big yard and dogs and she gets to help out with all kind of activities such as washing trucks and playing in the garden.

In my last post I mentioned an opportunity that came my way that I was hopeful about. Try as I might, I couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't the right thing to do. I prayed and prayed, consulted with trusted people, and prayed some more. I secretly hoped that the family hated my guts so that I wouldn't have to make the decision that I knew that I was going to have to make if I was going to do the right thing. Unfortunately, I had to put on my big girl panties and do the right thing. After praying one more time, I had to let that opportunity go. As soon as I did that, I felt instant relief. I knew it was the right thing to do. Kinda sad, but right. I also felt that assurance that things will be okay and that other opportunities will come along.

In other news, I finally mailed of my DONA Birth Doula Certification packet. I'm so happy to have reached that stepping stone in my doula journey. It says in the packet to allow two months for processing, so hopefully in two months I'll be able to put the letters CD(DONA) after my name. 

Angels Among Us, Part II

Last week was a busy week. It was supposed to be my "off" week, but that only means I did not have to teach flute lessons last week. It's not as if I teach very much, but it weighs on me throughout the week. Last week I was free!

Monday was free day. I cleaned, sent a note out to friends in desperation, and applied for some jobs online. (Nothing has come of that.) I went visiting teaching on Tuesday and Wednesday of last week and really enjoyed the opportunity to visit with those sisters. Although I really enjoy spending time with my visiting teaching companion, I really enjoy having the opportunity to visit the sisters alone every now and then. It's so nice to be able to have them all to myself! I feel like they teach me and help me more than I could ever help them, and it's funny that the lesson was sort of about that very thing.

We all need each other in order to be successful visiting teachers. I had an "Aha!" moment while visiting one of the sisters that confirmed that this is true. I can't be a successful visiting teacher unless the sisters I visit allow me to come visit them and share with me any needs they have. However, I have to visit them enough to build a friendship with them so that they honestly feel like I care and that they feel comfortable sharing with me. We all help each other to be successful at visiting teaching. It's hard for me to describe how how I felt that day, but I think it was finally confirmed to me that visiting teaching is truly a divinely inspired program. I used to think, "Yeah, yeah, I know we're supposed to go visiting teaching, and I know we're supposed to make friends, blah blah blah. But I just don't feel like I have a place in this. I'm no good at this."

Since attending this ward, I have had amazing visiting teachers show me by example what visiting teaching is all about. They've since moved on to other wards, or visiting other sisters, but I'll never forget their loving example of what it means to love, serve and just be friends with their sisters. I have some amazing sisters on my route and I look forward to visiting them. I really really do! They are all amazing women.

Not only are the women that I visit amazing women, but there are just some other fantastic families in this ward. They have opened their arms to our little family, although I think that that is totally thanks to Lily's cuteness than anything we have done, but they have truly taken us in. I never ever ever felt that I was a part of a ward family until we moved here. Not even in my home ward.

One of my friends let me babysit her little girl for a little while to earn a little extra money. Another friend paid me way too much to help her out at her home, and another Christmas Angel in superhero fashion helped us out anonymously at church yesterday. There is way too much generosity in our ward, and though I will never be able to pay it back, I hope one day I can pay it forward to another young family when we are in a position to do so. So what looked as if it was going to be a very-scary-not-knowing-how-we-are-going-to-survive (ok, that's dramatic, maybe we'll survive but will we get evicted? get our lights turned off? eat?) turned into we-barely-made-it-but-we-still-made-it sort of week thanks to some very amazing people in our lives. It's not quite over yet, but it looks like we will be okay for the next two days until Robbie gets paid again. And hopefully, there will be a babysitting job coming my way that will help us out a little, or at least help me to feel like I am doing all I can to help our family.