Friday, January 7, 2011

Please don't ask, "Could you do that in the bathroom?"

We're a nation of tolerance, right? Everyone wants to be accepted for their choices and left to practice "whatever they want" in peace, whether they are outrageously flambuoyant or quiet as a church mouse about it. Republicans, democrats, independents, Christians, Muslims, Jews, atheists, gays, lesbians, bisexual and transgenders, heterosexuals, boys, girls, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, friends and enemies, lactivists, intactivists, natural birthers, home birthers, free birthers, hospital birthers, epidural birthers, fill-in-the-blank-ers all want to be accepted and tolerated. 


Actually, I, as a Christian, heterosexual, wife, mother, natural hospital birthing, lactivist, intactivist woman, want to be LOVED and SUPPORTED, not just tolerated. But if "tolerated" is all I can get, I'll take it. It's expected of ME to tolerate any religion even though I am Christian. I am expected to tolerate homosexuality even though I am heterosexual. I am expected to be kind to formula feeding mothers even though I am a breastfeeding mom. I am supposed to NOT JUDGE those who use epidurals even though I chose not to have one. So if you are my friend, no matter what, if you are my friend, I like you! I accept you. I don't merely tolerate you. Please don't merely tolerate me. 


So when you see me sitting there trying to be as modest as I possibly can feeding my baby in the best way for ME and my BABY, please don't ask me if I could do that in the bathroom. Please do not ask me to go in the dirtiest, filthiest place where I do not even want to use it for it's purpose much less feeding my precious baby. I am already worried about what you think even though I shouldn't be. Even though YOU should be tolerant of my choice, right? As a breastfeeding mom, I need your support. I can't do it without you. You do not know my story. You do not know why I might need to be feeding my baby in that location at that moment. If you are honest with yourself and quit your judging, you might notice the frightened look on my face because I know you are judging me. I feel it. Even though you can't see anything, you know what I might be doing under there. Because I am covered. You know, though. And you give me a dirty look and go home and tell your friends, "Ew I saw this woman breastfeeding in PUBLIC!" You know you've told that story. In fact, I'VE told that story. And now I regret it. Because now I AM that woman. 


Some women are really strong and do not care what others think. I am not one of them. I care what you think of me. So I find people to support me and give me confidence to do what I feel is right for my family. It's not right for everyone, but it's right for me. (Remember, tolerance?) I have a supportive husband, parents, friends and fellow breastfeeding moms. I go to La Leche League meetings and I join facebook groups such as The Leaky B@@b. I do this because I need support. Unless you've been a breastfeeding family, you really have no idea how much support someone needs. And do a little bit of research and it won't take you long to understand WHY a mom would choose breastfeeding. 


And now, The Leaky B@@b has been deleted. Again. No explanation has been given yet, so I will not speculate. This has been my favorite page for help. I have received support from other moms when I asked, "My baby is biting me and I have tried pulling her into me. Do you have any other gentle suggestions?" or "Please help, I have recurrent clogged milk ducts!" When other moms asked questions and I gave answers, it was wonderful to hear, "It worked!" Everyone was there because they needed support in some way. 


If you know me at all, you know I never protest anything. That is not me. I never make a stir. I am mild mannered and sweet at all times. However, this is starting to upset me. At least a Bring Back the Leaky B@@b page, again has already been created. Please show some support to breastfeeding moms, because believe it or not, most of us need it!


  1. Aw, hang in there...this time goes by so fast. Before you know it you'll be packing cheerios, fishies, and sippy cups everywhere go!

  2. My response is always "ok, I will go fix you a plate too. Let's go have a picnic, meet you in the bathroom in 5 minutes"
    I was actually told that I should go to the bathroom to bf my baby while I was sitting in the cry room at church! Wow, sorry but my breast feeding may have offended him but his ignorance offended me so much more