Sunday, March 3, 2013

Should I even bother to try again?

You know how you have an amazing blog post written out and ready to publish, and it just disappears never to be seen or heard from again? Yeah. That just happened. And, yes, I am crying about it. I don't even cry like this over spilt breast milk. It's not because I am still in the postpartum period either. This silly little blog means something to me. When I write something that I feel like I wrote from my heart and it disappears, it really hurts me. It feels like I lost my journal in a fire even though, believe it or not, my journal contains things I won't even post here. This is public after all. I am a pretty open book, but there are still things that I keep to myself. My husband would disagree, but really, I don't bare it ALL. 

I happened to tell my husband a little bit about the post this morning as we were getting ready for church. I told him about it because I was proud of it and couldn't wait for him to read it. I don't know if he reads my blog very much, but there are some posts that I ask him to read. This was going to be one of them. I waited all day to be able to use the laptop to transfer the post to my blog. Usually I write posts in the notes section on my phone and then email to myself. I will copy and paste it from my email to my blog after that. So that's where I was in the process. I was just about to email it to myself when I blinked, and it was gone. I touched nothing. It just disappeared for no reason. A cruel fluke. I tried restarting my phone. It didn't helped. I did a search for it. Nothing. I cried and cried as I tried other things to try to locate my work to no avail. 

Robbie came out of the bedroom to try to convince me to re-write it. He said he was looking forward to reading it and wanted me to try. I think it's sweet that he says he wants to read it and that he is encouraging me to try. I have my doubts. I just can't recreate what I wrote the first time. I'm not really a writer, so when I get little inspirations every now and then, it's a now or never sort of thing. I haven't decided if I will try again. I'm not sure if I want to waste my time on it when it just won't be the same. 

And of course I am probably making it sound way better than it was. To me, it was one of my best, most heartfelt blog posts. The funny thing is, when I feel so good about them, they don't get very many page views. Not that I am going for page views here, but it is slightly annoying that my stupid posts seem to get tons more traffic than my heartfelt ones or the ones that actually mean something to me. 

I just don't know what I want to do. I feel like Jo in Little Women when Amy threw her manuscript in the fire. Jo was able to recreate her work because she was a writer. I am just a girl who has a blog. A silly little blog that means something to her. 

I'm tired now and ready to go to bed, so it is too late to try to re-write it tonight. I think I will sleep on it and see how I feel in the morning. Things usually seem a little better after a good night's sleep. 

So what do you think? Should I bother? Should I try again? Have you ever lost a piece of writing that meant something to you? Did you try to re-write it? 

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